Losing your virginity after having a baby.

The last time I stressed about sex was 15 years ago.

Back then a million things ran though my mind;

I can’t believe this is actually going to happen!

Will it hurt?

Will he enjoy it?

Will I enjoy it?

What if it doesn’t fit?

I struggle with super tampons!

What if I’m not like other girls down there?

Will it be messy?

Oh no…what if I pee.

I think I need a pee.

Shit what if I pee on him.

I hope he doesn’t touch my tits.

My tits are tiny.

I wish I had big tits.

Sasha has big tits.

I bet guys love her tits!

OK here goes…

It turns out the whole experience was totally overrated.

Little did I know that it would be years before I actually began to enjoy sex.

I’ve racked up my fair share of fake orgasms.

Let’s fast forward a decade to when I’m a bit older, more comfortable with my body and have a better idea of what ticks my box in the bedroom.

I had been in a relationship for 5 years and the sex was…well…nothing to write home about.

I never understood what all the hype was about.

Anyway, we broke up and in my heartbroken state I went on the rebound!

During my escapades I fell pregnant.

I gave it a shot with the baby daddy but shortly after my daughter arrived I went solo. *Cue Jason Derulo – Ridin’ Solo‘  

A single mother.

With a 6 month old baby.

Who has never had a orgasm.

What a travesty!

This needed to change.

After some convincing and peer pressure I go on a date.

I hit it off with the guy and we start dating.

We eventually arrange a ‘Netflix and Chill’.

I pack my PJ’s and drop the little lady off at my sisters.

“See you in the morning darling”

*Cue- me feeling like a slut and crap mum.

I arrive at his place and when bedtime arrives I chuck on my PJ’s

Not sexy.

Exactly the look I was going for.

I’m way too nervous to have sex!

Having sex for the first time after having a baby is just as scary as losing your virginity.

I get that post baby sex with your husband, boyfriend or baby daddy can be sketchy but you guys went through the whole pregnancy and birth together so despite things being a bit different downstairs, I’m pretty sure your fella is just stoked to bang you again!

For the single lady.

A million and one things run through your mind.

For me the internal dialogue I had 15 years ago resurfaced;

This is going to hurt.

I wish he’d seen my pre baby body.

He would have preferred that.

Why did I hate my body back then?

This is going to feel shit for him.

Childbirth has destroyed my vagina.

I have a Wizards sleeve!

I wish I’d got a C-Section and preserved my precious V.

What if my insides fall out.

Will he notice the difference between me and other girls that haven’t had a kid?

This is going to be messy!

Oh no…what if I pee.

Sometimes I feel like I could pee when I sneeze!

I should have done more pelvic floor exercises.

Why didn’t I follow the post natal advice!

Tense and relax your vagina at your desk, do it whilst watching TV…

Well… I forgot and now I’m about to pay the ultimate price!

My tummy feels like a waterbed.

It’s feels squidgy!

I hope he doesn’t touch my tits.

My tits are huge.

Sasha must have had a nightmare with hers.

I wish I had my small pert boobs back.

Shit, what if I still have milk in them?!

Oh god, please don’t touch my tits!

This is going to hurt!

Ok here goes…

It turns out this experience was completely underrated.

I had the best sex of my life!

My “V” finally stepped up, rewarding me for enduring the brutalities of child birth and cashed in all my IOU’s for fake orgasms and crap sex.

What a champ!

I salute you, vagina!

I never thought I would say this but…having a child has improved my sex life.

Now it’s just a case of finding the time to do it.

💜 SSM x


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